A Man of Secrets Page 9

  Natalie hesitated, then shrugged. “I know you and Dad would never ask, but I want you to know something. I want you to hear it from me.” She turned and faced her mother. “I didn’t kill Anthony.”

  Her mother walked over and took Natalie’s hands in hers. “Do you remember that time when you were nine, maybe ten years old and you found a squirrel on the side of the street that had been hit by a car? The poor little thing was still alive, but just barely. Without hesitation you took off your brand-new sweater and wrapped it around the squirrel’s little body, then picked it up and carried it ten blocks to the vet. The squirrel died in your arms while you were sitting in the waiting room, and you cried all the way home. You told me later that you knew the exact moment when the poor little thing’s heart stopped beating, and it was as if a part of you had died, too. Do you remember that?”

  Natalie nodded.

  Her mother put her hands up to the sides of Natalie’s face. “Do you think for one moment, for even one second, that I could ever believe that same sweet, sensitive girl could ever take another life? Why, I’d sooner believe it about myself.”

  A tear spilled over and ran down Natalie’s cheek.

  * * *

  SPENCE STOOD IN THE HALL, listening to that quiet, melodious voice comforting Natalie. He closed his eyes for a moment, wondering what it would be like to have that kind of unconditional love and support, the kind of blind faith Joy Silver had in her daughter.

  He thought back to his conversation yesterday with his own mother. After more than ten years of estrangement, Irene had finally asked him to come home. But not because she wanted his comfort or support. Not because she loved him or needed him, but because she wanted him to help her exact her revenge. Irene wanted him to help her punish the woman who had taken away her other son, the only son she had ever cared about.

  Spence told himself it didn’t matter anymore. He’d come to terms with all that years ago. He didn’t need anyone. In fact, in his line of work, it was better to be able to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice, leaving no one or nothing of importance behind. In his line of work, a family made you vulnerable. Made you care too much.

  Or so he’d always told himself.

  But looking at Natalie and her mother now was like staring into a looking glass and glimpsing a whole new world. A foreign world. A world in which people actually cared whether you lived or died, and suddenly Spence wondered what his own life might have been like if he’d had that same kind of love and devotion. That same kind of blind faith.

  Would he have been a kinder man? A happier man? Would he still have chosen the same profession? A profession that often led him into the darkest, seediest corners of humanity. A profession that sometimes demanded the cruelest of sacrifices. A profession that had irrevocably changed him over the years, turned him into the steely-eyed stranger that stared back at him from the mirror every morning and every night; a man who had been willing to betray his own brother in the name of justice, because fighting for justice was the only thing that gave his life meaning.

  He gazed around the hospital room, his eyes resting on the tiny Christmas tree, a scrawny affair with branches barely able to support a single string of colored lights, and yet, at that moment, it seemed to symbolize so much that had always been missing from his life. Love, hope, joy. And peace. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d known any peace in his life, except maybe for seven years ago, very briefly, when he’d met Natalie. When he had fallen in love with her.

  But that was before he’d gone away.

  That was before she’d married Anthony and had a child with him.

  Of all the things that Anthony had been given in his lifetime, of all the riches he’d possessed, there had only been one thing that Spence had ever really coveted. He’d taken some measure of satisfaction in that knowledge. But as he gazed at Anthony’s sleeping son, he suddenly realized with a pang of guilt that now there were two.

  You’re getting maudlin, he told himself grimly. As bad as an old woman.

  The spirit of the season was obviously getting to him in a way it never had before, and that wouldn’t do. He was here in San Antonio to do a job, and it was time to get on with it.

  He looked down at the stuffed bear he’d picked up in the hospital gift shop. Purely an impulse purchase, because the Santa Claus hat perched on the bear’s pudgy head had caught his eye. But Kyle was probably too old for stuffed animals.

  Showed how much he knew about kids, Spence thought. Better stick to the things he did know about. Like looking for lost diamonds. And putting murderers away for life.

  He turned away, looking for a trash can.

  * * *

  NATALIE STOOD IN THE hallway and gazed at the man walking toward the nurse’s station. She thought she’d glimpsed Spence in the doorway of Kyle’s room a second ago, but before she could say anything, he’d turned and walked away.

  Surely it wasn’t him. Why would he have come back? After Kyle had been moved upstairs earlier, it had seemed to Natalie that Spence couldn’t wait to get away from them.

  She’d told herself that was fine by her. He’d bailed her out of jail and she was grateful to him for that, although she still suspected he had an ulterior motive. She was also grateful that he’d helped her with Kyle this afternoon after the accident and had run interference for her with the police. She appreciated everything he’d done, but anything beyond gratitude was treading on dangerous ground. Anything remotely resembling attraction was asking for trouble.

  The kind of trouble Natalie didn’t want or need.

  Unfortunately, it was the kind of trouble one rarely had control over. She’d known it the moment she’d seen him standing in the doorway of the interrogation room, his eyes dark with suspicion and accusation and maybe even hate. She’d known then, as she knew now, that what she had once felt for Spencer Bishop had never really died.

  God, help me, she thought. How can I be so stupid? So weak? He’s a Bishop, for God’s sake. Anthony’s brother. A man you had little more than a one-night stand with. There is nothing there. There never was. You were young and stupid and impressionable. And Spence was…

  She closed her eyes, remembering.

  Spence had been young, too. And handsome. A dark and brooding FBI agent with an inner intensity that had frightened her at first. And then thrilled her.

  It had been raining the day they first met, and Natalie was feeling bluer than usual. Her parents had been gone several months by that time, and she was having trouble adjusting to a new college.

  Spence had seemed to sense her loneliness, and at first, she’d thought it was because he was lonely, too. Later, of course, she realized that he was simply an expert at reading people. It was all a part of his job.

  But that first day, when he’d walked over to her, leaned across her desk, and whispered to her that it was his birthday and he didn’t want to spend it alone, Natalie didn’t have it in her heart to resist. No one should spend a birthday alone.

  So they made arrangements for him to pick her up after work, and then went to dinner at a quaint, candlelit restaurant off the beaten track. They talked some, but not a lot because both of them were introverts and a little uneasy about the developing attraction between them.

  Afterward, they strolled along the Riverwalk, and Spence kissed her in a secluded corner beneath a bridge, with mariachi music playing in the background and a fountain splashing nearby. Then he asked her to come back to his hotel room with him, but Natalie shyly refused. That night.

  The following week they were together constantly. He picked her up daily from work and they went out to dinner or to a movie or sometimes for a walk. They kissed and touched—their attraction was simmering by this time—but always Natalie managed to keep her senses under control. Until that last night, when Spence told her he’d been called back to Washington and they wouldn’t be able to see each other for a while.

  That night Natalie invited him back to her apartment, and he stayed until
the wee hours of the morning. They had one glorious, passion-filled night, and then he was gone.

  He didn’t come back to San Antonio for almost two months, during which time Natalie had no phone calls and no letters from him. During which time, doubts and fear besieged her.

  During which time, Anthony began to pursue her.

  Smooth, suave, aristocratic Anthony, who told Natalie all about his little brother—how Spence made a habit of using women, then throwing them away like so much garbage. How Spence had never cared about anyone but himself. How he already had a fiancée in Washington, and that was why he’d rushed back at a moment’s notice.

  Anthony even showed Natalie pictures taken in Washington of Spence and a gorgeous, sophisticated-looking woman who obviously adored him, and Natalie had burned with anger and humiliation. How had she allowed herself to succumb so easily to his seduction? Why had she believed him when he’d told her that he’d never felt this way about another woman?

  It was the oldest line in the book, and Natalie had fallen for it so easily, when, in reality, she had been nothing more to Spencer Bishop than a new conquest—someone he wanted to sleep with, but certainly not the kind of woman he wanted to marry.

  And through it all, Anthony had been there to hold her hand, to tell her that she was special, and that his brother was a fool. Any man would be proud to have a woman like Natalie for his wife. Any man would want to take care of her, have a family with her.

  If Natalie would just trust him, he would help her out of a desperate situation. He would love, honor, and cherish her in a way his brother never could.

  By the time Spence returned to San Antonio, Natalie and Anthony were married. And even in that short period of time, she’d already realized what a horrible mistake she’d made, what kind of man her husband really was. Which had made her wonder if he’d lied to her about Spence, but by then, it was too late. She’d already struck a bargain with Anthony, and there was no going back.

  As all those memories rushed through her, Natalie hesitated in the hallway, wondering if she should call out to Spence. Or if she should let him go.

  But he seemed to have sensed her intense scrutiny. He stopped and turned to glance over his shoulder. When he saw her, something flashed in his green eyes—a look Natalie couldn’t quite define. For a moment, she wondered if he had been thinking about the past, too. About the night that had seemed so right…so inevitable.

  The night that had changed her life forever.

  He turned slowly and started walking back toward her. Natalie’s pulse raced as she stared up at him, taking in in a heartbeat the dark expression on his face, the glimpse of secrets in his eyes…so dangerous and yet so irresistible.

  How had her life come back to this? she wondered with a sinking feeling in her stomach. How had she managed to come full circle in seven years? Anthony Bishop was still controlling her life, even from his grave, and Spence… Spence was still making her want what she knew she couldn’t have.

  In seven years she’d learned nothing.

  In seven years, she was still weak and vulnerable where Spencer Bishop was concerned.

  But now she had her son to think about, she told herself firmly. Now she had Kyle to protect.

  “How is he?” Spence asked, as if reading her thoughts. He stopped directly in front of her, so that she had to look up at him. How like a Bishop, she reflected.

  She stepped back and crossed her arms as she leaned against the wall, taking away some of his advantage. “He’s fine. I didn’t expect to see you again tonight.” Her gaze dropped to the stuffed bear he held in one hand, and for some insane reason, she felt her throat knot.

  What was the matter with her, for God’s sake? She hadn’t broken down when she’d been arrested for Anthony’s murder, and she hadn’t fallen apart after the car accident and Kyle’s session with the plastic surgeon. So why did the sight of Spencer Bishop clutching a teddy bear he’d bought for Kyle make her want to weep uncontrollably?

  Seeing the direction of her stare, Spence held up the bear and looked at it for a moment as though he hadn’t a clue how he came to be holding it. Then he shrugged. “I bought this for Kyle…saw it in the gift shop…. But I guess…he’s probably too old for stuffed toys.”

  “No, he’s not,” Natalie said quietly. “He’ll love it.”

  With another shrug, Spence held it out to her. She raised her eyebrows. “Don’t you want to give it to him yourself?”

  “I thought he was sleeping.”

  “He is, but the nurses come to check on him every so often. They have to wake him to make sure he’s…okay.”

  “He is, isn’t he?”

  Natalie smiled. “Yes. He’s tough. Takes more than a bump on the head to slow him down.”

  Spence laughed softly, and Natalie realized with a start that she’d never heard him laugh before. Not once. And that fact struck her as being incredibly sad.

  Don’t, she warned herself. Don’t feel sorry for Spencer Bishop.

  If he lived in a world without laughter, it was because he chose to. Chose to retreat into his own cold, dark, unreachable place. A place of lies and deceit. A world that had once sucked Natalie in, and then almost destroyed her.

  She pushed her hair back with one hand as she gazed up at him, her sadness and sympathy gone. Her eyes, she knew, mirrored the suspicion and distrust she saw in his. “Why did you really come back here, Spence? I don’t think it was to see Kyle.”

  He hesitated for a moment, then said, “You’re right. I wanted to talk to you.”

  “About?”

  “Everything.”

  “That’s a broad topic,” she said, straightening away from the wall. She glanced around, wondering what people might think if they saw them together and recognized them—the woman accused of murdering Anthony Bishop, and Anthony Bishop’s brother, the man who had bailed her out of jail. The man who had once been her lover, one night long ago.

  “I want to ask you some questions about the night Anthony died,” Spence said.

  “Why?”

  “Because there are a few things I’d like to clear up.”

  “It’s all in the police report.”

  “Maybe. But I’d rather hear it from you.”

  Natalie removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. “I’ve been through it so many times. It’s a nightmare. I can’t bear to repeat it again. Not now. Not with my son lying in there hurt because…”

  “Because?” Spence’s eyes darkened. “What were you about to say, Natalie?”

  “Nothing,” she mumbled, still unable to bring herself to trust him. She slipped her glasses back on, as if they somehow gave her courage. “Only that…I had so much on my mind today, I might not have been paying enough attention to my driving. I might have avoided that accident.”

  “I don’t think so. You were already in the intersection when the other car ran the red light. There was nothing you could have done.”

  “Maybe not.” But she still wasn’t convinced. The voice on the telephone earlier had implied a threat when he’d told her he knew where her son was. What if that car had deliberately hit them, because someone wanted something Natalie had? Except she had no idea what it was.

  Tell him, she ordered herself. Tell him and demand police protection for Kyle. While another voice whispered through her mind, Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

  But it wasn’t the murder trial she was worried about now. It was the custody battle with Irene that made her turn away from Spence in order to hide the fear in her eyes.

  “There’s nothing more I can tell you,” she said. “About anything.”

  “Oh, I think there is.”

  Natalie started to protest, but just then her mother popped her head around the door. “Natalie? Kyle’s awake. He’s asking for you, honey.”

  “I’ll be right there.” She turned back to Spence, hoping to end the conversation then and there, but to her chagrin, she heard her mother say, “Why,
hello again. It’s Spence, isn’t it?”

  “Mrs. Silver. Nice to see you again.”

  “Joy, please. I’m not one to stand on ceremony.” Her eyes lit on the bear in Spence’s hand. “Oh, how adorable! Did you bring it for Kyle? Well, then, you have to come in, so he can thank you.”

  Natalie went quickly to her son’s bedside, and bent to kiss him on each cheek and then lightly on his bandaged forehead. “How are you feeling, sweetie?”

  “Good,” he said. “I’m thirsty.”

  Natalie poured him a glass of water from the pitcher on the nightstand. Kyle’s eyes widened when he saw the tree for the first time. “Awesome! Where did that come from?”

  “From Santa, who else?” his grandmother piped in. She was standing on the other side of the bed and she winked at Kyle, then patted his little arm. “He couldn’t let you stay in here without a Christmas tree, now could he? That wouldn’t seem like Christmas at all. And speaking of Christmas, look who’s brought you a present.”

  As if on cue, Kyle’s gaze turned to the foot of his bed, where Spence had just stepped into the room. “Hi,” Kyle said.

  “Hey, there.” Spence looked decidedly uncomfortable, as if he didn’t quite know what to do or say. Then he held the bear out to Kyle and said apologetically, “I hope this is okay. I guess I don’t know much about what six-year-old boys are into these days.”

  “Wow! You bought this for me? Thanks!” Kyle exclaimed, as if a stuffed bear wearing a Santa Claus hat was the one present he’d been waiting his whole life for. Natalie could have kissed him, especially when she saw the spark of pleasure in Spence’s eyes.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, smiling at Kyle in a way Natalie had never seen him smile before. That smile made her heart do funny things inside her chest.

  “I see I was right,” Spence said. “You’ve got yourself quite a shiner.”

  “Really?” Kyle perked right up at the thought of a black eye. “Can I see?”

  Shaking her head, Natalie handed him a mirror.

  “Whoa, dude,” Kyle exclaimed, obviously quite impressed with his bruised and battered reflection. “I never had a black eye before.”